(A bit about me – I only write for women. And I am only going to
address things that wives can change in this post.My goal is to point
wives towards having Christ as Lordand towards obeying His Wordand His
beautiful design for marriage.)
FLIRTING IN OUR CULTURE
Our culture thinks nothing about married people flirting with others.
It's "not a big deal." It won't hurt anyone! That is what a lot of
us believe, at least.
But what is the real harm in flirting? Why does it matter? Where is the line?
FLIRTING IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS
I believe that flirting (outside of marriage) is VERY dangerous for
people who aremarried. It is an extremely slippery slope from
flirting to infatuation to an affair.I don't think ANYONE is above
this kind of temptation. I'm not! The only way I can avoid sexual
temptations is to put VERY CLEAR BOUNDARIES around my marriage and my
heart and to cling to Christ.
Not only does flirting make it possible and more probable that someone
will begin an affair, but it is just downright DISRESPECTFUL toward a
person's spouse and marriage covenant before God.
The Bible commands us to FLEE from sexual immorality as believers.
And we are alsocommanded not to allow even a "hint" of sexual
immorality to be among us.
A marriage covenant is a VERY serious thing in God's sight. The price
of flirting withsomeone else is just way too high, in my opinion. Is
it possible that I might get away with flirting temporarily
withoutbecoming involved in an affair? Maybe. But it is also very
likely that flirting could lead to much more than I intended and the
fall out couldbe catastrophic.
MY PERSONAL CONVICTIONS ARE TO AVOID:
*.private emails with other men
*.long private phone conversations with men
*.being alone with a man in a house or room with closed door
*.private texting or Facebookchatting
*.building close work relationships with men
*.allowing men to disrespect my marriage by flirting with me
Each believer will have to pray and seek God's wisdom and determine
for himself/herself what boundaries God may desire them to have.
Very few people set out intending to have an affair. It almost always
starts as a friendship or close work relationship then proceeds slowly
to flirting and confiding emotional details and problems– and then,
before you know it, you are feeling unloved and lonely in your
marriage and you have a man just waiting to "rescue" you and shower
you with compliments, romance and attention – and then the emotional
affair or sexual affair "just happens."
It can't just happen when we stay far away from compromising
situations and provide no opportunity for theflesh!
FOR WOMEN WHOSE HUSBANDSARE FLIRTING WITH OTHER WOMEN
My first concern is,why is he flirting with other women?Obviously, all
humans are sinful and- men and women alike (Romans 3:23– For all have
sinned and fall short of the glory of God). "Sin" is an archery term
that means "to fall short of the target." Sin is wrong in the eyes
of our holy God and the person who is guilty of sin willbe accountable
to God for what he/she does.
But sometimes digging into thereasons behind the sin can behelpful for
a spouse to try to understand what is happening.
My guesses would be that it:
*.makes him feel desired and accepted
*.makes him feel powerful
*.makes him feel more masculine and more like a man
*.makes him feel like he's "still got it."
*.makes him feel admired/respected
*.makes him feel like he is in control
*.His fellowship with the Holy Spirit may be compromised because of
some other sin and he may be operating in "flesh mode" instead of
"filled with the Holy Spirit mode." It is possible there could be
lust involved here.
I am not responsible for my husband's sin. He willstand accountable
to Godfor his behavior no matter what I do.
I will stand accountable to God for my behavior and obedience to God
no matter what my husband does.
INFLUENCE AUTHORITY
I can INFLUENCE my husband and make sin more or less tempting for him
by my own behavior. We are one spiritually, emotionally and
physically in marriage. What I do affects him. What he does affects
me. Husbands have "positional authority" and wives have "influence
authority." Our power is similar to the power of an advisor to a
king. And this kind of authority is often morepowerful than
positional authority!
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